Difficulties in Marriage

Marriage can be hard. There are so many problems that can arise and more and more often marriages are ending in divorce. People aren't always taking the time to work through things but instead are planning and preparing for it to end. The interesting thing though is that statistics show that 70% of divorced people say not only that they could have saved their marriage but also that they should have. If you learn how to respond to conflict and problems you could actually end up bringing yourselves closer together instead of the marriage ending. Something that my teacher said in class that really stood out to me was "I don't know anyone with a really fantastic marriage who didn't at some point go through really difficult times." This was so interesting to me because that's how life is with everything, if it comes easily the first time you try something do you really learn anything? Learning is why we were sent to this earth was to learn and grow. Throughout our marriages we will have disagreements and conflict will be inevitable. Conflict can be a really good thing and it shows that you care for those around you. Don't be afraid to talk about your problems, if you can talk them through with patience and love you can change the course of your marriage.

Raising Children

While raising children a lot of people focus on how strict they need to be and what they need to do to get their children to listen to them. The fallacy in this thinking is that children are more likely to listen to those they trust and those they know care about them rather than to those who are strict and who are looking for compliance. In class this week my teacher said something that really stuck out to me. He said, "Teaching is about preparing your child for life, it's not about compliance." This stuck out to me because looking back on the way I was raised really proved this saying. I feel as though my mom did an awesome job at teaching me. I always knew that she would listen to what I had to say and counsel with me. I knew the punishments before I ever did something bad. Because I knew what would happen and that it would disappoint her I often times would avoid the bad thing in the first place. Children need a lot of warmth and consistency. One way to provide this is to talk to them through encourages rather than discourages. Here is a list of each:

Discourages:                                                                           Encourages:
~focus on mistakes/weaknesses                   ------>                  ~ build on strengths
~expect the worst/too little                          ------>                   ~ show confidence
~expect too much/perfectionism                  ------>                  ~ value the child/teen as is
~over protect/pamper                                   ------>                  ~ stimulate independence

As you use encourages you build and strengthen your relationship with your child. I believe that sometimes parents don't realize how much their words effect their child whether they be good or bad. Many children grow up with self esteem problems because they are never good enough for their parents or their parents make them feel that way through the way they respond in different situations. If you want to look more into parenting and the effects it can have I suggest you look at http://www.activeparenting.com/ it can be a great source and help.                      

Attributes of Zion

Although the word is usually used in terms of location the Bible Dictionary gives us a latter day definition of the word Zion which is "the pure in heart." Throughout history people have searched for Zion, moving from place to place. But, the thing that I find most important about Zion is that although it can be a place it is also something that we can create. What makes Zion? Moses 7:18 says "And the Lord called his people Zion, because they were of one heart and one mind, and dwelt in righteousness; and there was no poor among them." As we come to a unity with those around us we begin to create Zion. 4 Nephi 1:3 talks about this when it says "They had all things common among them; there-for there were not rich and poor, bond and free, but they were all made free, and partakers of the heavenly gift." This is important because when you are in unity and things are made equal it takes away envy and pride. When people become envious they often end up trying to put themselves above others and creating separations. Elder Franklin D. Richards said "we can all be peacemakers by exhibiting love and goodwill, thus offsetting the evil of contention, envy, and jealousy." As we take away this pride, we also take away contentions, which creates Zion in our lives even more. 4 Nephi 1:15 talks about this when it states "And it came to pass that there was no contention in the land, because of the love of God which did dwell in the hearts of the people." I know that as we try to love those around us and serve them in any way we can, we will be able to build Zion in our lives. I challenge each of you to find a way to create a place of Zion for you and those around you.

Finances

There's a great talk/pamphlet called "One for the Money" by Elder Marvin J. Ashton. Its a guide to family finances. If you haven't read it I would strongly suggest it. (I will attach a link at the end of this post) Elder Ashton brings up a lot of good ideas that will help get financially secure and to stay there. One concept I really like is his Debt Elimination Calendar. This tool helps to organize your debt and get rid of it in a quick and efficient way. This is what it looks like:                                                                                             

Once you finish paying off one debt the money you were using for that moves into the next debt you need to pay off to help you get that one payed off faster as well. Another thing he talks about is learning to budget and manage your money. To this he says "Financial peace of mind is not determined by how much we make. But is dependent on how much we spend." When it comes to money management you need to make sure you are spending less than you are making or you will fall into debt quickly. When it comes to making decisions about money and what to spend it on Elder Ashton says "Married couples show genuine maturity when they think of their partner’s and their family’s needs ahead of their own spending impulses. Money management skills should be learned together in a spirit of cooperation and love on a continuing basis." Sometimes talking about money can be hard and you may have differing opinions but as you do so with love and understanding you can strengthen your marriage and god will help you to live a more financially peaceful life.

Sexual Intimacy

So today I want to talk about something that is a little bit more taboo, sexual intimacy. This topic u=is often something that people feel awkward discussing but I want to focus on what it is and not how it happens necessarily. Sexual intimacy is something that is meant to unite husband and wife together.. My teacher related it to a present. Say on your wedding day somebody brings in a huge present that you know is probably expensive and fragile. What would you do? Would you push your spouse out of the way and run to it and rip it open? Or, would you take your spouses hand and open it together. Sex is like this present, it is fragile and precious. If you jump right into it you may end up damaging the relationship but if you work with your partner and unwrap it slowly you will find it to be a much better experience. Another thing that was said in lass that stuck out to me was that we should make love not have sex. These are both different phrases for the same thing but if you think about what they mean there is a significant difference between them. Sex is meant to be something that draws you together with your spouse and creates more commitment and love, but in society now a days it is used as more of a fun thing that doesn't mean anything. You see it on TV, read about it in books, and hear about people doing it outside of the bonds of marriage all the time. When you are having sex your body releases high levels of oxytocin which causes more attachment. This can be very helpful for husband and wife but makes it hard for those who are having sex for fun because they get more attached to their partner just to have that taken away from them. Sex is a very sacred thing that we should be using to create love and commitment and not just for fun.

The Atonement

Hi  guys! This is once again a post that doesn't have anything to do with my family relations class. Rather this has to do with the atonement. Many people see the atonement only for repentance and for the chance to be resurrected. But the atonement holds so much more. It can give us strength and enable us to do things we never thought possible. Jesus Christ atoned for our sins so that he could understand what we are going through. He has felt all of our pains and sorrows. He knows us each more than we could ever imagine. When you are going through a hard time you can always turn to Him and he will help you through it. Jesus Christ knows exactly how we feel, with him we are never alone. He can give us the strength to move mountains. In Alma 56:56 it states "They had fought as if wiht the strength of God... with such miraculous strength and with such mighty power." I know that Heavenly Father loves each of us and he sent his son Jesus Christ to show us the way home and to give us the strength to fight temptations and hard times. I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

The Wedding and Marriage

This week in class we talked about the wedding and marriage. We discussed the weddings symbolism a lot more than I ever had before. It was interesting to see how important some of the rituals we go through actually are. The one I thought was the most interesting was the wedding reception. I always thought of this as just a fun party to celebrate the new couple and in a way it is. Although it is also an opportunity to set some clear boundaries and for the families and friends of the couple to welcome the couple as a new family. These are important because it is necessary to have some boundaries between the couple and those around them. It is also good to have the husband and wife plan their wedding together. Often times it is planned more with the wife and her mom. This is good but it also builds the relationship between them instead of building the one between the husband and wife. Boundaries and experiences that build the relationship between the two getting married are important because when hard times come the husband and wife will be more likely to lean on each other and strengthen their marriage rather than leaning on others. This is going to be highly beneficial when they are first married because marriage comes with a lot of change. Some of the changes are big while others are smaller. These changes include having somebody always there with you, having to combine your schedules, sharing a bed/bedroom, creating rituals like scripture study and dinner time, and making big decisions together like when to have kids, what to do about education, jobs, where to live, and so much more. Marriage has a lot of mutual decision making involved. One thing my teacher said that really stuck out to me was, "When it comes to marriage you must care at least as much about what your partner wants as what you want." I hope this blog has been helpful and brings some insights you hadn't heard before. Thanks for reading and remember a strong happy marriage can be one of the greatest blessings in your life, but it takes work.

Faith

"By faith all things are fulfilled."- Ether 12:3

Today I want to discuss the topic of faith. I know this is a blog for Family relations but I'm going to talk about this anyway. Faith is one of the most important things we can work on in this life. We need to have faith to lead us into actions that will bless and strengthen us. But what is faith? Its more than just a word we use to explain a feeling or a thought. The bible dictionary says "Faith is to hope for things which are not seen, but which are true." In Alma 32 it expands this definition by adding on that "faith is not to have a perfect knowledge of things..." Faith is something that requires us to be obedient and to keep the commandments. We need to be trying to seek out the truth. Faith is action word. It requires us to work for it. in Alma 32:37 it says "let us nourish it with great care, that it may get root, that it may grow up, and bring forth fruit unto us." Heber J. Grant said that "by doing our duty, faith increases until it becomes a perfect knowledge." So why is faith something that we should work on having and what can it do for us? Faith can give us the power to do all things, to lay hold of good things, it can provide us hope as well as miracles. But most important, faith can help us to see God. In a recent devotional at BYU- Idaho Elder Clark said that with faith you can accomplish what the Lord wants you to accomplish. I know that this is true and that as we act in faith Heavenly Father will provide a way and help us gain perfect knowledge. I know that as we nourish our faith by studying the scriptures and asking God with a sincere heart that we can grow a stronger testimony. I know that we can grow the seed of faith whether it be big or small into something much greater. As we nourish this seed its roots will grow deeper into our hearts and souls and that when Satan's winds and storms come we will be able to stand tall. I bear my testimony of this to you and challenge you to study the scriptures and pray to Heavenly Father if you do not have the knowledge of faith and that you can gain it for yourself. I say these things with love, in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

-Melanie

Dating

In today's world people are "hanging out" more than they are dating. There are different reasons for this such as they can be themselves more, or you get to know more people, or they don't have the possibility of being rejected. The question is though does hanging out provide the same information that dating does when you are searching for your future spouse. I would say no. Dating provides more opportunities to see that person in different situations and to give both the male and the female a chance to gain and strengthen the skills they will use throughout marriage. There is a theory on what dating is it is called the 3 P's. This means that a date must be 1) planned 2) paid for and 3) paired off. Keep in mind that paid for does not mean that it has to be a big expensive activity it just means that financially it is taken care of. These three things are a way for the male to practice some things that they need in marriage. The chart below will show what these are:
                                                             Dating:               Marriage:
                                                             Planned              Preside
                                                             Paid for              Provide
                                                             Paired off           Protect
Gaining these skills will greatly benefit you in your marriage and in your life. While the guy can practice these skills the girl has the opportunity to practice skills such as nurturing and caring. Another reason why this is so helpful is because it gives you the opportunity to have togetherness, time, and the chance to talk. All three of these things help you to get to know the person better. Nobody wants to marry someone they don't know and care about. One final note that I want to make is something my teacher shared with us about how going on dates affects you. What he said was "your marriage will go the way you point it during dating and courtship." I thought this was cool because he made an analogy between this and a cannon ball. You can aim it whichever direction you choose and once you shoot it will continue going that way. It goes whichever way you aim it in the beginning. So be brave and don't be afraid to date.

Homosexuallity and Gender Roles

This weeks class was a bit more controversial of a subject so although I will speak my opinion in this post I hope it is not offensive to any of you. Homosexuality and gender roles are a large concern in today's world. Everybody is fighting for their rights and nobody wants to offend anybody else. We were all created the gender we truly are. Just because you identify as something else does not change your divine origin and who you were born as. In "The Family: A Proclamation to the World" It states, "ALL HUMAN BEINGS—male and female—are created in the image of God. Each is a beloved spirit son or daughter of heavenly parents, and, as such, each has a divine nature and destiny. Gender is an essential characteristic of individual premortal, mortal, and eternal identity and purpose." This is so essential to the family because when people identify as another gender or being interested in their same gender they take away their ability to create a family how God intended it to be. 
Another thing I wanted to discuss in this post and that is why people change their sexual orientation. Today so many people use the phrase "born that way." This often times is not the case. (I haven't looked to much into the biology of this so I will not go into much detail) In many studies/interviews the people that oriented themselves as homosexual at some point said it was because of experiences growing up. These tend to be things such as sexual abuse, Not being accepted by others of their gender, and being told that's the way they are. Often we see a boy who is more feminine in the way that they move or talk. Or maybe they are just more nurturing. When we see men like this we sometimes jump to the conclusion of him being gay. Because of this we start to identify somebody instead of letting them identify themselves. Self-concept is "an idea of the self constructed from the beliefs one holds about oneself and the responses of others." So, if someone grows up being asked or told if they are gay this can make them feel as though they are. Because part of your self concept is built off of what you think others think about you. As I said before not being accepted can play a huge role in peoples sexual orientation. This is because everybody wants to be accepted and when they are pushed away by their own gender it makes them long for that acceptance more. 
One thing I want to say is that many people don't want to like others from their same gender. Therapy can be a major help and benefactor for this but people are pushing for therapists to not being to help with it. This truly is what's taking away human rights not the therapy. If they don't want to change their orientation they will not be forced to, but if they do and they can't get that help? What will happen then?

Here are some links I think may be helpful for this topic:
https://www.lds.org/topics/family-proclamation?lang=eng
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jJhyzqdzpnM
https://byui.brightspace.com/content/enforced/106717-Campus.Reference.FAML160/assets/byrd_article.pdf?attachment=1&_&d2lSessionVal=wN5dQKYF61AtGMiSTpPHp1PXo

Culture

Some words that describe what culture is are; Beliefs, symbols, languages, values, and artifacts. With this definition how does culture affect families? Culture can affect families in many different ways. This can be anything from the culture they live in or the culture within the family. The culture within a family can make a huge impact on each of the members. We all perpetuate and create family cultures. This often comes by passing traditions down from generation to generation. These traditions are often times what the family believes in or what language they speak. Does it matter what kind of family we create? Yes, each individual family affects the world as a whole. It's kind of like I discussed in a past post about how even something like how many kids you have can affect if the world will reach a replacement level. So if we can build a strong family culture where everyone pitches in and does their part maybe that can extend to those outside and around the family, and so on. The family is an essential part of the community and to creating the culture of the world around them. How can you create a family culture that will influence the world for the better?

The Atonement of Jesus Christ

Hey guys,
Today I am deciding to do something a little bit different. This post isn't about something that I learned in my family relations class but rather something that's been brought up a lot in my life and is of great importance to me. The topic I want to discuss with you today is the Atonement of Jesus Christ. The atonement has many different pieces to it that often we look over. Many people seem to think that the atonement can only be used for repentance, This is NOT the case. When Jesus Christ atoned for each of us he suffered for our pains, afflictions, and yes our sins. He suffered for it all. This is so that when we go through these hard times and feel like we are alone, He can comfort us because He knows exactly how we feel. Elder Dallin H. Oaks states that "apart from death and sin, we have many other challenges as we struggle through mortality. Because of that same Atonement, our Savior can provide us the strength we need to overcome these mortal challenges." He also says, "He therefore knows our struggles, our heartaches, our temptations, and our suffering, for He willingly experienced them all as an essential part of His Atonement. And because of this, His Atonement empowers Him to succor us—to give us the strength to bear it all." How amazing is that? Jesus Christ suffered so that He could provide us the strength that we need to get through the hard times. Another example of Christ's love for each of us is seen in John 11:33-35. This is talking about how when Jesus saw Mary crying He wept with her. He loved her so much and knew the pain she was going through and wept. This principle amazes me. The other thing I wanted to focus on in this is Christ's willingness to atone for us. In the quote by Elder Oaks it says "For he willingly experienced them all". Although he knew it would be hard, He gave up His will to the Father's and atoned for us. In 1 Nephi 19:9 it says "He suffereth it, because of his loving kindness" Later in verse 10 it states that he "yeildeth himself according to the words of the angel." These scriptures show the true selflessness and love our brother had for each of us. I'm grateful for all the love and strength I have recieved through the atonement and hope that each of you will be able to feel it in your lives. I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

Reference: https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2015/10/strengthened-by-the-atonement-of-jesus-christ?lang=eng

Theories of Interaction

This week in Family Relations we talked about some theories to do with communication and interaction. These theories are: Systems Theory, Exchange Theory, Symbolic Interaction, and Conflict Theory. I found that as we discussed them they seemed to be more tied together rather than just being in the same category. Often times they effect one another. For instance the exchange theory is where you are always weighing the costs and the rewards of the relationships you have. If you are always doing this than your gestures, words, and actions, may end up showing this (symbolic interaction). Then if someone feels as though you are being hesitant to be friends because they are weighing the relationship then the person can start to argue more bringing in the (conflict theory). How can all of these theories effect your home and family life. To begin with, conflict theory is often a power struggle or a competition. You can often see this between siblings as they try to be the one who is in charge or even as simple as who has the remote when watching TV. Symbolic interaction is important because it is "constantly communicating something about the relationship." I have found that this semester in school all of my roommates and I have shown pretty good symbolic interaction. If we are all hanging out then people usually don't have there phones out, people invite each other to go do things, and everyone speaks kindly to one another. These are all important because they communicate that we want to be friends and spend time with one another. That we really care. In my opinion the exchange theory is one of the more dangerous. If you are obvious about it or do it too much then people will be able to tell and may wonder if they should even be friends at all. This can be a very bad thing and you may lose relationships altogether. At the same time you should keep this in mind. This is because, some relationships may not be good for you and by weighing the costs and rewards it may help you get somebody toxic out of your life. Finally, the systems theory. This is a theory that everybody has their role in the household. This can be hard to recognize at times or very easily seen. It can be hard though when something changes, such as having a new baby, because then the roles have to change a little. These theories are good to keep in mind because they can help you improve the relationships with those around you. I know that as I've payed attention to them this pastt week it has helped me find my role at my apartment.

Fertility Rates and Why They Matter

Last week in class we spent a long time talking about the fertility rates around the world and how they are dropping. This is strange because popular belief is the opposite because the population number in the world is increasing. How is this happening? Well, even though people are having less babies because of the advancement in medicine they are living longer. There is a quote about how instead of multiplying we are instead just not "dropping like flies". So if the population is still growing why does it matter that the fertility rate is decreasing? This matters because in many countries right now the rate is in a sub replacement state. This rate means that women are having less than 2.1 children each. This is too low to keep the population going. If we keep this up then within the next couple of generations there will be nobody left. I find this all very interesting because it a lot of it started after a book called the population bomb came out right in middle of the "Baby Boom". Peoples mind set changed drastically with this idea that if the population grew it would lead to a poor economy and mass starvation. The thing I found the most interesting is that you can see this mentality in so many things, such as the statistics but also in the media. Take the books "Enders Game" and "Among the Hidden" for example. In these books they have a limit to how many kids they have and that is two. But they also try to have that many. This is cool because they are cutting down the population but trying to stay out of the sub replacement level. I hope this gives you a little insight as to why having more kids is important and if you want to look deeper into this topic here is a video that explains it in more depth:

http://www.byutv.org/watch/b3dfa9f3-6e20-4d64-af96-fbf3fd64670a/new-economic-reality-demographic-winter-part-2

http://www.byutv.org/watch/59b6b917-984a-478f-93b1-521a647779c4/new-economic-reality-demographic-winter-part-1

Hello!

Hi everyone, my name is Melanie. Right now I'm working on getting a general associates degree and one of my classes is on family relations. I'm here to share what I've learned with all of you. Some posts may be on more controversial topics so I hope that you enjoy them anyway. If you ever have any questions or comments, I will be trying to check my comments list regularly. Family is extremely important to me and I hope that I will be able to express this clearly. Thanks for visiting! Ill be back next week.