While raising children a lot of people focus on how strict they need to be and what they need to do to get their children to listen to them. The fallacy in this thinking is that children are more likely to listen to those they trust and those they know care about them rather than to those who are strict and who are looking for compliance. In class this week my teacher said something that really stuck out to me. He said, "Teaching is about preparing your child for life, it's not about compliance." This stuck out to me because looking back on the way I was raised really proved this saying. I feel as though my mom did an awesome job at teaching me. I always knew that she would listen to what I had to say and counsel with me. I knew the punishments before I ever did something bad. Because I knew what would happen and that it would disappoint her I often times would avoid the bad thing in the first place. Children need a lot of warmth and consistency. One way to provide this is to talk to them through encourages rather than discourages. Here is a list of each:
Discourages: Encourages:
~focus on mistakes/weaknesses ------> ~ build on strengths
~expect the worst/too little ------> ~ show confidence
~expect too much/perfectionism ------> ~ value the child/teen as is
~over protect/pamper ------> ~ stimulate independence
As you use encourages you build and strengthen your relationship with your child. I believe that sometimes parents don't realize how much their words effect their child whether they be good or bad. Many children grow up with self esteem problems because they are never good enough for their parents or their parents make them feel that way through the way they respond in different situations. If you want to look more into parenting and the effects it can have I suggest you look at http://www.activeparenting.com/ it can be a great source and help.
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